Hate is not the enemy, Fear is

Over the last few years, I have sat with fear in a way I have never done before and it showed me how small I’ve actually been living. Whether we realize it or not, we are only ever showing up from two places, fear, or love. Throughout our lifetime we are either conditioned to feed one or the other based on the environment we grew up in. The one we feed the most is the one that dominates and controls our lives.

For much of my childhood, lack, abuse, poverty, shame, worthlessness, trauma, grief, and insecurities were part of my experience. I did not realize that as I grew into relationships in my adult life that the subconscious energy transmitting in the background, was fear. I was fearful of losing any of the attachments I had in my life that made me feel safe, loved, and wanted. Whether it was feelings of happiness, a good job, a love interest, a good friend, I found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop subconsciously. I was always the giver, the pleaser, the “yes” girl who would go out of her way to please everyone so they would be happy. It was not until years later that I realize the reason behind that giving was actually fear. My giving and pleasing didn’t originate from an authentic place at all but rather from a place of fear. I was so in need of love, attention, security, that I was willing to offer myself as a commodity to anyone outside of me so they would stay. My attachment and fear of loss was so strong that I was unable to see how traumatized and grief stricken I truly was. My heart was yearning for healing.

Fast forward into my 40’s and my decision to enter into a spiritual direction training program in Charlotte which gave me my first insight to these hidden layers I’d been carrying for so long. Through careful, tender, and compassionate ministrations to these layers, I was able to see with a keen sense of clarity the why’s of my personality. For those who are familiar with the Enneagram, a personality test, I’m a two, the Giver/Pleaser. For much of my life it never dawned on me that I was pleasing others to satisfy a wound inside of me. The fear of loss was so deep and intense that love for me lived on the outside rather than the inside. Until I could come face to face, and acknowledge this wound, I could not move into the energy of true unconditional love. That love needed to start first with me before I could move it outwards towards others. Since then my journey has been to see myself with love and compassion and to create healthy boundaries. Turning some “yeses” into “no’s”

Saying no has not only allowed me to create healthier boundaries for myself to protect my energy, but it also gave me a voice to say no to fear and yes to love. Each time someone asks me to do something now, I pause and give myself space to connect with “is this right for me?” or “is this in alignment with what I want to do?” This simple act has been a game changer for me in all parts of my life and I am able to make more room for what truly inspires me. So, when we see people lashing out, people who hate, people who are filled with deep anger, people who shame others, the true culprit is fear. The question we must now ask is, “What underlining fear is present in the inner matrix of an individual that allows them to act with hate, malice, or any other destructive energies?” It is the answer to this question we must seek to heal and transform.

I talk a lot about the need for each human being to do their inner work because I believe it is of paramount importance, our primary responsibility to ourselves and the collective. The more we can unwrap, uncover, peel back, heal the very thing we are exhibiting as a destructive force to self and others, the more in alignment and harmony we can move into with the higher self we’re all meant to experience. Yes, this does require awareness on our part, but awareness is a practice like brushing your teeth every day. The more you practice being aware of yourself, actions, deeds, words, feelings you transmit into the world, the more awaken and enliven you will become. It is not about becoming more enlighten at all but more enliven so you can live a life full of robustness not dullness. Fear dulls us and reddens our senses to hate. So many of us are trying to become special and extraordinary that we are forgetting that the simple joy in existence is just that, simple. It is to become more ordinary but, in a way, where we are in harmony with all of life and not against it.

Certainly, there are fears that are natural for us humans which helps to caution us against harm but the fear of each other comes from a deep woundedness within.  Somewhere along the way we were conditioned to believe that its “us against them” and since then, we have been fighting this battle of divide and conquer. Yet this way of living has had extreme repercussions for all of humanity. It has led us down a rather slippery and dangerous slope of entitlement and a hierarchy of a human chain that says, “I’m up here and you’re down there.” A very immature consciousness. The “I am better than you syndrome,” has destroyed us, it’s in our churches, our schools, our families, our government.  There is no such thing as one human being who is better than another, there are only different levels of consciousness we hold. There is for each of us an opportunity to become more love and less fear. We must all choose which of these we will feed on a moment by moment basis.

It is my greatest hope, and yes, I still carry hope like a torchlight within me that each of us will awaken to the consciousness of love (God, Goddess, Universe, Divine, etc.)  within oneself.  I belief this is the human arc, to wake up from our slumber and realize the truth that has always been so simple, God rests within and the kingdom of peace, love, abundance, heaven you seek, is already present within. It cannot be found out there but only inside of you. When we are all ready to take that journey inwards the lights come on and illumination is present.